Be Better II

I will appreciate instead of whine.

I will not take life too, well, seriously.

I will marvel at the beauty of nature. And I will continue to believe that every storm will pass and there'll be a rainbow right after.

I will not be bitter.

I will do my house chores and stop complaining. I should realize that it's a good training for me and one day, I will be a great homemaker. :)

I will try and try until I reach the top.

I will accept defeat.

Be Better

What: We all want a clean-slate new year for a new "us". So this is to a better me (hopefully). :)

Where from: I saw this idea from one of my good friends in high school and I immediately told myself that I need to adapt it! :)

How: I will not post everything in one go. Instead, I will try to post a few 'resolutions' every so often under the same title.

I will not loose faith.

I will look down and be humble.

I will commit myself to him. :)

I will value the gift of time.

I will engage myself in more physical activities.

I will cherish memories with good friends.

My Workload

1. Mr. A
CC: L) Basal ganglia stroke with dysphagia, dysarthria & impaired gait
PMHx:
- Nocturia due to bladder outlet obstruction secondary to enlarged prostate
- Oral Thrush
- CVD, 4 previous strokes; R) parietal stroke 1997 with severe L) hemiparesis
- Previous # L) tibia
- Type 2 DM with mild retinopathy
-HPN
- Dyslipidaemia

Plan:
- Regular oral cares; Nilstat QID
- BSL BD AC
- PACs
- Maintain on thickened fluids; Supervise and sit upright to decrease risk of aspiration
- Bladder scan/ PVR

2. Mrs X
CC: Myositis - gradual progression; Severe weakness R) hip, leg and knee
PMHx:
- CHF
- AF
- Normocytic normochromic anaemia - Mixed Fe defiecieny and chronic inflammatory disease; Hb -100
- Degenerative arthritis
- Osteoporosis with # L) NOF s/p L) THJR 2007
- Previous CVA 2006
- Glaucoma
- L) Cataract Sx

Plan:
- Supervise/assist all transfers
- For PT input
- Analgesia as needed

3. Mrs. C
CC: L) extracapsular # NOF - s/p L) DHS
PMHx:
- Recurrent UTIs
- R) inferior pubic ramus #
- R) THJR secondary to OA
- HPN
- GORD
- Bowel Ca - Hemicolectomy 2001
- Asthma
- Diplopia

Plan:
- Regular analgesia prior to mobility
- Assist with mobility and transfers
- TEDS
- Encourage to mobilise
- Monitor bowels

4. Mrs. B
CC: L) intertrochanteric # NOF - s/p L) DHS
PMHx:
- Postural hypotension
- Syncopal episodes
- HPN
- IHD
- DM type 2
- Hypothyroidism
- Past TB
- Macular degeneration both eyes
- ? BCC R) forearm

Plan:
- Maintain on thickened fluids; Supervise and sit upright when eating or drinking
- Encourage increase oral fluid intake. If fluid intake <600 mls, for fluid review; ? IVF overnight
- Oral cares
- PACS; Regular turns
- Food and fluid balance chart
- IDC - monitor output
- Oral Augmentin for LLRTI
- Withold laxatives; Discuss with team re ?Augmentin causing loose bowels

***
Yes, that explains why I am so tired today and for a Sunday, it is toxic. Need to have some much-needed and well deserved Zzzzzs.

Buhay Mayaman Paminsan-minsan

We had breakfast at Westin Hotel yesterday compliments of his sister who works there. We aren't really a fancy pair so we don't mind which restaurants we've been to or not. We just love to eat out together. So whether it is in a fastfood, food court or some takeaway shop, we just don't care as long as we're with each other (cheesy but really, really true) and we are stuffed. Hahaha We want value for our money.

So we got up quite early than what we used to, got ready and walked our butts down to Viaduct Harbour. We were so tired when we reached the lobby because we didn't know how far it actually is when you're walking. But it was some good exercise. So when we got there, the ambiance was sort of business-ish and intimidating to a certain level. But that's just my point of view. We were seated immediately and our orders came pretty fast.

french toast for him

eggs benedict with smoked salmon for me

the view from our table

As soon as we finished our brunch, we just killed time and took photos using his SLR. I thought to myself, so this is what rich people do: Waking up and having brunch in some cafe or fancy restaurant where they overcharge you for coffee that tastes nothing compared to Starbucks. But hey, if you earn thousand of dollars every paycheck by signing papers and going to meetings, then an overpriced coffee is no big deal. Besides, everything they practically spend for is overpriced. Hahaha I saw a couple of other groups having sparkling water (not tap), with cigarettes in hand and huge dark sunglasses concealing most of their face, probably makeup-less after too much partying the night before. I found it quite interesting to be seating among them and keenly observing what they're doing and how they're acting. I can do this more often. And blog about it too. yesterday was fun in its own right.

that's me! having a rest before walking back home

What I learned from my Mother

I've always looked up to her. She is extraordinary. Not only is she the most beautiful woman I've ever seen but she is someone full of wisdom that only her experiences can attest to. Most of the valuable lessons I've held on to in this life came from my mom and I want to go through each one and share it. This is not in any order.

1. You don't have to experience something to learn from it. - I always had this notion that in order for you to learn something you have to go through it yourself. But my mom proved it wrong. She said that God allows and gives people different experiences so that you can learn from other people: you can learn from their mistakes and from their successes. You don't have to fall into the same pit as someone for you to say that you've learned your lesson. Learn through others.

2. Honor your father and your mother. - This is my favorite commandment because this was deeply instilled in me (and my brothers). My mom stressed that this commandment doesn't have any conditions. God didn't say "Honor your father and your mother IF..." He just said, "Honor your father and your mother." No ifs or buts. And after God said, not to praise any other God besides Him, He immediately put parents on the next category, which to me appears pretty important.

3. Let men do the chasing. - Yeah, my mom said, "Ang pinaghihirapan, hindi basta-basta pinapakawalan." My mom still swears by this rather than the modern woman approach, which will lead to a badly bruised ego (if turned down) and lingering thoughts of regrets. This is all about holding your ground and it is actually very sensible.

4. Look for someone who treats his parents well. He will do the same to you. - More than looks, see if a guy is polite to his parents, if he is gentle to his siblings, even to their family pet. That says something about how he treats others.

5. Ubos-ubos biyaya 'pag wala nakatunganga - This applies to everything: food, clothes, money. In short, save for the rainy days.

6. You are defined by your values. - How you were brought up, what values were instilled in you, how you act and react in situations---it all says something about your upbringing. Your values and morals are what separate you from others; it's what makes you stand out. She always, always said to respect others. Respect your elders. Respect others' time. Respect their beliefs and opinions. Respect yourself so that others will respect you.

7. Trust is never given. It is earned. - I have let my mom down so many times. And each time, it was so hard getting her to trust me again. So I've learned by experience that trust, if broken, will never be the same again.

8. Education will take you places. - That's why she said, "Finish it!" We aren't rich but she made sure we were sent to prestigious schools and she always pushed us to finish College. She believed in what a good education can do to oneself, ones career and ones future. "Yan lang ang maipapamana namin na hindi makukuha sa inyo ng kahit sino."

9. Be kind to others. You have no idea what their journey is. - Pretty self explanatory.

10. Groom yourself well. How you look is your market value. - The hard truth. People will judge you by how you look so she always made sure we are dressed appropriately and neatly. She didn't want any of us leaving the house with mismatched socks or anything with a tiny hole or missing button or crumpled clothes. She made sure we wore our Sunday's best to Church and we have a splash of cologne on.

11. Don't wash your dirty linens in public. - Keep the mystery. Don't tell the world everything about yourself, your family, your problems, your faults and the list goes on. You owe yourself some privacy and a lot of respect.

12. You don't have to be religious. Be spiritual. - "Believe in God and know that He is the one who created you and that you will return to Him one day. Know that He provided you with everything and thank Him in return. He has a plan for you and He will never forsake you. Talk to him, like how you would do to a friend. He will listen to you and grant your prayers. Miracles always happen. "

How Tangled Last Week's Timetable Was

Finally, January 14 came. It's one of the most special days for us because it is his birthday. He caught me waking up early to set up birthday trimmings, a bouquet of balloons I got the night before (which I hid under the couch) and my gift to him. But it didn't matter because he was just so euphoric that he didn't mind knowing beforehand.

failed surprise attempt

And that day, we had so many things on our to-do list some of which are as follows:
1. Go to market and grocery to do shopping - check
2. Hear Mass - check (and had Fr. Gilbert bless him after the Mass)
3. Lunch Out - Pasta & pizza at La Porchetta
4. Go to Albany to buy moisturizer - no more time. next week nalang.
5. Cook Spaghetti pinoy style @ home - Sarrrraaaaapppppp! This is the 1st time I cooked a sweet style spaghetti using spaghetti sauce, banana ketchup and 1/4 cup sugar. Of course, hotdogs and mince beef are always on the list. So yeah, it reminded me of Jollibee. :)

my sweet style spaghetti that sold like pancakes

6. Get DSLR from Andrea - Angel sent a DSLR for Gelo as a birthday present. And Andrea, their cousin who just came from a flight from Dubai carried the DSLR for him.
Additional: Had Movenpick after dinner for some ice cream. :)

Fast forward to 2 days back. I stayed home and spent the whole day chopping and preparing ingredients so that I won't have to do any cutting on the day of his party.

the making of lumpiang shanghai

From 5 pm until 11 pm, I was sitting on a chair with a chopping board in front of me and with very heavy arms and a sore back, trying to finish off everything that needs to be done. And yes, I did! After that, I suddenly felt like my mom who cooked everything for us for every birthday and Christmas that passed without anyone really helping her. And tiring as it was, there's a feeling of fulfillment when you see his face smiling at you with grateful eyes. :)

Yesterday morning, I got up relatively early and started my only task of cooking all the meals to be served that afternoon. Yes, sense the sarcasm there. But seriously, I didn't really mind to do all the cooking as 1st of all, it is for him. Second of all, I love cooking! And third of all, ow never mind! Don't wanna be cheeky and spoil this entry.

On my menu are:
1. Carbonara
2. Seafood Curry
3. Adobong Batangas
4. Lumpiang Shanghai

happily doing all the cooking

His mom added some roast chicken which gives us one more additional dish. And we had White Mudcake for dessert. And lots of sparklings for drinks. :) After the long afternoon of jokes, games and gossips (wink wink), we headed to AMF for some bowling action and we had fun, indeed. Our team won which is good considering we haven't played bowling for a couple of years now. So we had some good laughs.

The point of the whole day was to make him happy. I knew he was. In fact more than anything, he felt blessed to have wonderful friends who never failed to remember him, a generally supportive family and a partner who is both a companion and a friend.

To Gelo: wishing you wealth, health, happiness and success! All my love, to the only fish in my sea. :)

Ang Pagkamatay ng Tropang Cinco

Somehow, I felt a part of me died.

We were never officially tropang cinco 'til the later years in college. And we never really had to name the group. We just loved hanging out. We were together during long breaks when we always procrastinated about studying, while sneaking out and cutting classes, and during lunches at Dapitan sharing overflowing saucers of gravy and pieces of yema. Those times when we stayed at Lea's apartment 'til late or asked Sonny for one more bottle of Coke 1.5 were really sticking in my head as good, fun college memories. And yes, our friendships deepened. For years, I actually believed that we were inseparable. Well, because for sometime, we actually are. We laughed so hard at each others' jokes 'til our stomachs hurt. We covered up for each other for reasons known only to us. We stood by each other through eyeballs, flings, new boyfriends and girlfriends and breakups. We walked with each other hand in hand along conscious lane, lover's lane, engineering pav, walkway and Beato pav to people-gaze, which we all enjoy doing. Just the mere sight of each other and the little jokes and punchlines we throw at each other makes our day complete. We were just 5 simple people who happen to love the same things and respect each others' differences. And it was a wonderful thing! Cause even when I left the country, I still felt a strong connection that binds all of us together. Like there's a link that always said I belonged to a group, the kind that stuck together 'through thick and thin'. Or so I thought.

And yet, those 8 years we have caught and gotten each others' backs just seem to disappear all of a sudden. Slowly, things were fading. In a blink of an eye, everything's changed and suddenly someone seems like a stranger to me. Someone I used to share secrets with is now someone who can't even bother to introduce her boyfriend to me. And man, it hurt like hell! It hurt to know that you aren't important enough to know someone who's in her life, that you are bypassed, that you don't deserve to know what's happening anymore and that someone already replaced you.

It feels different: very odd. And very painful.
My homebase is not such anymore. And before I even begin to go into denial or have some unrealistic expectations of how our story twisted, I am telling myself to just accept and let it go. People change. And damn right, they change A LOT!

"Me" Time

I finished work relatively early today so I went home, got changed and walked down to the city all by myself. It always feels good to have this day all to myself every once in a while. My "alone time" today is actually a secret because today's my shop-for-gelo's-birthday-present-day.

some "me" time at home: takeaway food and dvds

Earlier today, in the middle of discharging 2 patients and admitting another two, my mind was floating in some gift shop thinking of what to get him for his birthday. Suddenly, it was so hard to get him a present. SO during my break, i whipped out my pen and paper and started jotting down all sorts of gif ideas that entered my head.
1. T-shirt - too ordinary (because his sister's giving him a shirt too)
2. Jordan Rubber shoes - too expensive
3. Cologne/EDT - he already got a lot of it
4. Wallet - too mature
And then it hit me: Birkenstock!!! I'm gonna get him those comfortable little things, that he'll definitely looooove ---- 110% sure! (I fell in love with those things). So off I went and bought him his 1st pair.

Next on the list is a birthday card. I went to 2 different bookstores in search of the most romantic and heart-warming Birthday card with the most personal greeting. I read and browsed through 20 still, there's not a right feeling. It's either too cheesy or too mediocre. And then a neon-orange envelope caught my eye.



And I knew this is the card I'd hand to him on his 24th birthday. :) I can't wait!

Sunday Slowdown

I do morning shifts every Sunday which feels like one day less from my workweek (because Sunday's not really busy plus there are no bosses around). And every Sunday, I whine about how i didn't sleep enough and that I am so tired considering I just got back from my days off. But today, I had someone else to whine with because I was working with Carrie and it made me feel normal, and really better. :)

***

Coming home from work, I played Naruto with him and after some theoretical tutorial, I actually won! Wohoo! That was exhilirating and when played occassionally, can do wonders to your self-esteem.

***
I saw newly uploaded photos of some people in Boracay and somehow, I felt betrayed. Not because I am not with them in the photo but because I suddenly felt loyalty to one of my friends was questionable. And I know that questioning loyalty is not a good thing. But I also know that when something's bothering you, something's not right. Hence, the feeling.

***

Putting up Christmas trinkets have been a ritual of sorts for our family, which I happily adapted when I came over here. After All Saint's and All Soul's Day on November, we would start putting up all things elated to Christmas. Last Friday, I took down my Christmas decorations and my apartment is now back to its normal state.


These Christmas decorations conveyed a lot of merriment during the holidays that it actually made me excited to wake up in the morning to see giant red stockings staring down on me. It made my day brighter and somehow told me that no matter how ugly the day turns out to be, Ill be coming home to a place where a star is shining on top of a tree. :) And that alone made all the difference.

Everything About Today

There is an exhilarating feeling about walking out of the hospital doors after graveyard shift with the cool breeze greeting you and the sunshine peeking through the clouds. I feel a sense of relief that the day and my week is finally over. There is a feeling of excitement as I look forward to the weekend and suddenly, I don't feel sleepy anymore.

6 hours later, here I am, awake and with a throbbing headache. I have laundry in the washing machine while I am blogging and at another tab watching wedding videos. I am half asleep and half sick after having lunch, which I made and put too much tuna in. Eeewww.

It has been a crazy week with all the hoola-baloos of his mom's birthday and whatnot. I'd rather skip this part and not dwell on the pessimism that is trying to escape from inside of me.

I made the collage of photos for this blog yesterday before coming to work and it exudes a very positive vibe. Those photos are dated from way back 2005-ish. So it really brings back lots of memories. One way to negate all thoughts awful and silly and all things burdensome. I actually found my Literature teacher's blog and I am just so fascinated about how she writes, mixing the simplicity of her everyday life with the creativity of her ideas and how she juggles those words. Ah, simply amazing. And so, I vowed to make this blog rock by writing a often as I can and by coming up with new ideas. That reminds me, I haven't done my resolution list for this year.

The washing machine has beeped, calling me to hang the clothes outside while there's still some sun. Yes, my drier broke down a week ago which, makes doing laundry a lot less easy. So, I have to finish up and attend to the house chores before I ran out of time or fall asleep.

The 1st Day

There's always something optimistic and hopeful about the beginning. And it is good to take advantage of that feeling of positively overwhelming joy. :) It gives you a sense of eagerness to start everything right and the feeling that you are able to do so.

It is the 1st day of 2010 today. At 12am, I was in awe as I watch the fireworks in Sky Tower waving goodbye to 2009 and welcoming the 1st few minutes of 2010 with an atmosphere of celebration and euphoria. 2009 flashed before my eyes with all its highlights and low points. yet, it was still 2009, one of the years I have received more blessings and for that I am grateful.

It is customary for me to write a long letter to God every beginning of the year. A letter, thanking Him in anticipation of all the things I will be receiving or getting or learning or experiencing in the coming year. That way it is a letter of gratitude more than a letter of supplication.

2009 was more of an impulsive and reactive year in terms of decision-making and shopping. 2010 will be year of big plans for me and of saving. Lots of saving. I think I am done with the frequent impulse buys. And I guess there's more fulfillment seeing your bank account loading up the $$$ from your hardwork.

There was so much bitterness and hate in my heart in 2009 that I wanna get rid of it all. So 2010, I hope, will be a year of understanding and letting go (the latter sadly is my weakness). It will be difficult and probably tiresome but in the long run, I know it will benefit me hugely. And it's habit forming. So might as well form the habit now than later on.

I want 2010 to be more positive and bright.
Clean-Slate.