overhaul myself

i have a feeling that i need to start my year right. try to move on from the failures, struggles, embarassment, loneliness and all the misery of last year. and move forward to another year of hope, goodness, blessings and love...make that lotsa love! :)

1. Do everything in moderation. and that goes with everything particularly with spending and eating. i have sorta indulged myself with food and so much shopping the past year that i wanna cut it down. and start some serious saving. My bank account is tired seating on too many zeros. hahaha and i forgot about the eating part. yeah, i don't usually talk about my eating habits or my weight this openly but i wana start living healthily. i don't really have a target weight. Just eat more healthy foods, cut out the sweets (cakes, ice creams, cookies, pastries) and carbs (buh-bye pizza, rice, breads) and get that 5 fruit and vegetable servings a day. i know it will do me good. and the effect is always cumulative.

2. Be kinder to those who are nice and bitchier if the need arises. okay, that was too harsh and stern. but it does mean that i need to be more assertive because i am really a very passive, go-with-the-flow type of person for i dunno how long. And it hurts to be this type of person: to not have the gutts to take a stand and speak up to get what is righfully yours. that's why i know i have to work on this. and i know that change is hard and not always easy to embrace but as they say, no pain no gain.


3. Learn to let go. when i was i high school, i memorized a prayer which goes:

Let Go and Let God
As children bring their broken toys with tears for us to mend
I brought my broken dreams to God because He is my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him in peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help with ways that were my own.
At last I snatched it back again and cried, "how can you be so slow?!?"
"My child," He said "what can I do, you never did let go."

I am a lover of the past. I think i got it from my mom. I dwell on the past and nurse both the highs and lows of what happened to me. That's just me. And at times, it is no good clinging to the past a lot. It makes me bitter and pathetic. It is good to look back once in a while and learn from my mistakes but to practically live in it, it is not healthy. And the damage it is doing to my relationships is wrecking. I don't want broken relationships all my life. I don't wanna be left alone either. So I say, i really need to move on.

4. Dig in some patience and understanding that I could share with everyone else. And hold that judgement. yeah, i am pretty judgemental and usually work on preconceived notions about persons and that limits my circle. so yeah, i need to keep an eye on this too.


5. Mend my relationships. applicable to all: the love-hate realtionship i share with my dad, the tarnished relationship i have with my boyfriend's mom, the recovering and so far, still intact relationship I have with my boyfriend, that of which will fall apart if i continue to act as childish and self centered as how i usually am. And of course, the taken-for-granted relationship I have with my Life Director up above, which is the worst I can do and the only one I will regret breaking if it does break down. That last one, I really need to focus on.


so that's it. my birthday resolutions that i could hopefully keep up with. :)