You won't believe how sincerely sorry I am for having blurted out what I did last night. It was wrong, inapprpriate and above all, offensive. Not in an anhedonic kind of way but in the most personal way I could possibly hurt you. And I am truly sorry!
I am, quite frankly, embarassed for how I acted and reacted. I have no excuses to give as the more I keep ranting on about how wrong it is, the more it appears fake. And that's really sad because I am honestly weakened by my lack of insight, trust and confidence in you. It's disgusting! i hate myself for that and more importantly, I really hated the part that I made you feel (or not) unworthy. As if I can't see you efforts and your tireless striving to show me how much you want to undo the past. The thing is, the past is past and there's nothing that can be done to change it. But I want to let you know that I DO appreciate how much you're trying, how much you've changed and how much yoou've proven to me time and again how much you DO love me.
I don't want to blame hormones (though, really think it plays a role), sappy movies or anybody elese. It's me. And no matter how tough I seem to be about forgiving and forgetting, I know how to own up to my mistakes. So I am humbled by this experience mainly because I am the offender and I didn't mean, in my deepest desires to hurt you at all. I am sad. And pained too.
I DO love you. And on a more serious and equally significant note, I hope you do realize that my continuously believing in you and trusting you and trying to forget about the unruly past means I do care about you and that I am open to the fact that I can trust you fully. I know you can be trusted. We will get there. I know we will.
So now, want to let you know that I put all my trust in you. Regardless. That's more than I can do but I'll do it, anyway!
To infinity and beyond ;) xoxo
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