How to

I was doing some research on...guess what? How to Deal with a Difficult Mother In Law. I could so relate! It was a very helpful reading material that I actually felt I wrote it. hahaha And I found out that yes, it comes up as one of the options/suggestions when I typed the words "how to cope with a diffi..." on the search bar. Gosh! How many poor daughters-in-law are there, who get beaten up by these relationship-wreckers also known as mothers-in-law? I am part of that statistics.

Here are the excerpts (aka my favorite parts) plus my reactions/comments:
- Detach and think of her as an acquaintance. Don't try to think of her as your "other mother" unless the relationship is warm, friendly, and family-like. Don't call her "Mother" or "Mom". She isn't your parent; you are equals.
- Express your feelings and know the common problems. Be aware that there is a belief that mothers-in-law often assume that daughters-in-law are terrible manipulators who wickedly control their son's lives. It's not always true - more often, the mother-in-law just doesn't want to face the fact that now she must stand behind another woman in her son's life. Other common issues: Mother feels a little less important to her child, Mother wants to be more involved with the young couple, Mother still sees son/daughter as her child rather than someone's spouse. - Sometimes, i just can't begin to decipher why the heck she can't understand it? And sometimes, I become really tired. :(
- Don't make judgmental comments as she does, but let your husband (or wife) know that it hurts. You are entitled to share these feelings with your spouse (your best friend). Do not criticize her - remember this is his/her mother - but don't protect her either.
- Each of you should take responsibility for putting your marriage/spouse first, and your childhood family next, which sometimes requires you to protect your marriage from your birth family. If your husband/wife will not step up and protect you from his/her mother, then you have a problem that will plague you for your entire marriage.
- Make your spouse understand that it is s/he who must take the lead with his/her family. If your spouse will not handle his/her family, you will never solve this problem. Your spouse's mother has already demonstrated that she doesn't respect or recognize you. Nothing you say or do will change that. Unless your spouse is willing to take charge. -
- Remember that it's highly unlikely that she'll change. If your mother-in-law has criticized you, stabbed you in the back to other family members, and has been dismissive of things you've said, she is making a very clear statement about this "relationship". Believe her. She may be occasionally nice. Judgmental, negative people often do this; they do something nice to reel you in, and then grab the opportunity to make a jab at you. If she's done this, remember to keep your distance even when she's being nice. - Oh boy, that is so her.
- Don't raise the emotional temperature. If conflict is impossible to avoid, go ahead and respond honestly - not rudely, but don't sugar-coat either. - that's good! cause i don't have the sugar-coating skill, anyway..hahaha
- You set the boundaries in your relationships, both with your spouse and with her. If those boundaries are crossed and your mother in law can’t seem to take the hint, and if your spouse is unwilling to address the situation and stand up for you, then you have to assert yourself to restore balance.
- If you don't say something, she will not stop. And if you aren't clear with your spouse about how you would like the matter handled, your spouse may continue to appease his parent at your expense. - Oo na, I'll do it na. This article is really talking to me.
- You are entitled to a peaceful life. You do not owe this woman your life - but she does deserve respect. However, she's just a person, the same as you, and if her behavior is ugly, she isn't entitled to any sort of special privilege. Mothers-in-law sometimes assume that they're going to be a powerful matriarch. No. Respect and admiration are earned. If she doesn't deserve it, you're certainly entitled to protect yourself and your marriage, and keep strong boundaries.
- You and your partner need to present a united front. - totally totally agree! can't say it enough!
- The more you can remind your spouse that s/he married you, not his/her mother, the more your spouse will address the issue, as s/he properly should, and respect you and the marriage. - i need to actually do this. bahala na if he sees me as a nagger, at least I get my message across.
- Be kind and gentle with her. You will catch far more flies with honey - if it's possible to do this way. - i like that line. :)
- Mothers-in-law sometimes "lay in wait" until no one else is in the room (including their own husbands, whom they want on their side). Do not be alone with her. If you find yourself alone with her, immediately get up and go to the bathroom, take a walk, do whatever you need to in order to not be alone with her. - I have experienced this first hand. They are lurking in corners waiting to attack when there's no one around to protect you except yourself.
and the follow up: It's highly recommended that if you have a child, take them out of the room at the same time that you are leaving. If you don't trust your mother-in-law yourself, you can't trust her with your child. Don't allow her to say poisonous things to your child, undermining your relationship with that child.

I'm here all lost and confused and blind, tripping over issues of the past that are scattered all over, all around me and then I stumble on this article. This article is gold for me!God really provides. :) This is hope peeking.