You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Ending the week on this note

I just had a quarter pounder burger, half of a McChicken burger, part of a large fries, 3 pcs chicken nuggets and half of a chocolate sundae. Man, I am THAT tired! I was starving too so I didn't say no to Mcdonald's! hahaha

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For some reason, I am not looking forward to celebrate my birthday. There. I said it. I don't really know why. But there's this feeling of not anticipating and not wanting to do anything. Walang gana. I am a quarter of a century soon. And I know that it is sort of a milestone and a part of me actually wants to go out and celebrate and mark the year I cross over going to my mid-twenties. (yikes!) But maybe, a part of me is scared. there's the fear to cross that line that says I am paving my way to the thirties and I haven't even saved enough or traveled or accomplished something significant. I don't even have my Master's yet (or any post-grad papers)! So there's the "freaking out feeling" inside me. I am also somehow overwhelmed because of the numerous plans I have in mind that's waiting to happen but I don't know which one to prioritize. I don't know what to do. I am so lost and I don't even have my mom beside me to coach me, to tell me off or to direct me so that I know which way to take.
Why is turning 25 suddenly full of fears? It is suddenly scary to reach this age. Why?

I want to regress and go back to the stage of being asked to do chores and receiving allowance and telling secrets to my mom. Can I come home again?

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