it really gave me the quivers

i am at work. it's not so busy today. not much bells going, which is rare but very good.

during my break, i called my mom just to catch up with her as i wasn't able to speak with her for a couple of days. she had all these happy stories about what happened over the weekend until she told me that one thing that just freaked me out.

*** our homehelp, whose name is jen-jen usually gives mama a good massage in the morning and that's what happened one bright, sunny day this week. i dunno which province jen-jen is from but y'know how our culture is rich in stuff like folklore, withcraft or some other dimension, gutfeel or sixth sense. she said (pertaining to my mom), "ate, ang bait bait mo. maswerte ang mga anak mo sa'yo. naku, kung ako lang ang may ganyan kabait na nanay..." well, for this statement, she is absolutely right. my mom is one of a kind! i mean really, she's not only a mom to me but my very bestfriend. she cooks well, she is a homemaker, no vices, not high maintainance but very beautiful inside out. She is trustworthy, very brave, ambitious and optimistic. Her faith keeps her going and she is my best example of grace, tact, wisdom and beauty.

And then she followed, " ate, nakikita ko na nahihirapan ka na. marunong ka lang magdala ng problema." She said it like some kind of psychic reading into what happens inside our family. and the final blow came, "ate, sa tingin ko malapit ka na." Shit! Shit! F*cknsh*t!!! I was speechless. It was creepy! My mom said she had the quivers (i did too) but she didn't freak out, instead the graceful and tactful lady that she is, she waited and listened to what jen-jen has to say. She dismissed the topic, carried on like any normal day and put it at the back of her mind. and now she is telling me. she is telling me, her only daughter! Her freaked out only daughter, her bestfriend in the whole world, who is 13 hours of airplane ride away from her! i couldn't do anything but think and later on, yes, i cried. I felt like to. And there's nothing much I can do in a situation like this, anyway. My mom said, the past few days she has been dreaming of my late grandmother (her mom) and something like having someone in the family die. That's not a good thing. Really. And i whispered, "God, please let it not be my mom. Not now."

It's hard to hear news like that. It bugs me and doesn't help. Anybody out there probably loves their mom the best in the whole world and i do too! and right now, i just want to pack my bags, get into the next available flight, go home and sleep beside her.