It is really comforting in the kitchen

For the longest time, I've been putting off learning how to bake. That's for reasons like I'm scared to try, I might fail (hence, scared to try), and if I fail, everything will go to waste (so, I am scared to try). I still remember that one December day when I was I think 10, our family was invited over to my dad's boss' house and his boss has a daughter who made the best oatmeal cookies I've ever tasted. And from that time, my mom hasn't stopped nagging me to start baking. She has this huge plan for me, foreseeing that one day (and since being the only girl in the family), I will be baking all kinds of good stuff like cookies and cakes, which we can share with relatives on family reunions. But years and years passed and now I am turning 25 (oh, good God!) and it is only now that I have taken up all the courage I have to venture into baking.

A few weeks back, my 1st baking attempt wasn't bad at all. I started with making muffins, which didn't need a mixer or that too complex ingredients. So that took away a little fear. Yesterday, I tried making panna cotta which didn't taste half as bad, either.

We had home-made pancakes for breakfast yesterday. I couldn't believe I made something out of raw ingredients like flour, egg, milk, baking powder and baking soda.



After I mixed everything in the stainless bowl I bought weeks ago just for the muffin-making debut, I was praying really hard that it will turn out fine. Otherwise, we will be defaulted back to cereal, which makes me sick now. When the pancakes were slowly taking form in the non-stick pan, I felt relieved. I flipped it out of the pan and into our plates. And God, it was light and tasted heavenly! I was really please with the result so we enjoyed it with butter and some maple syrup and with kiwi fruit on the side.

yes, that white little thing on the side is whipped cream! :)

Another day

I am pouring out all my energy into cooking and baking. Well that's for 2 reasons: it keeps my mind off my worries (even for just a while) and 2ndly, it gives me a sense of worth and fulfillment after seeing the food I so hard-workingly prepared and the faces (face, for that matter) of those who are having it. Some of them are amazed at how I was able to come up with such good food (modesty aside haha). Some are in awe at the presentation, making the food appear much more enticing to gobble up (thanks to research, cook books and various search engines). Their eyes just light up and smile when they see the home-cooked meals that is so appealing, it's as good as dining out (if not better, cause there's no service charge and you don't have to fight for parking). So yeah, I wanna keep this up.

tortillas, sweet chili chicken pieces, fresh iceberg lettuce, grated cheese, white onion, carrot sticks, garlic mayo, buttered corn kernels and cups of hot home-made mocha (coffee with cocoa, milk and sugar).

***

I've been preparing myself for that one time all out talk with the topics lined up in my memory. And just as I'm waiting for the 'right time' to come, I am hearing words like "i don't know what to do without you" and "I found what course I wanna take" and for some reason, I felt it was real. I felt He was sending me a message and telling me to think some more. After all, it IS 7 years.

Chopsuey photos (following the chopsuey thoughts entry)

That's a filipino breakfast that I truly miss. Sinangag nalang ang kulang, longsilog na. At may sisig pa! Sayang, walang sizzling plate. Nonetheless, it still tastes very very good! And look! There's UFC and Knorr seasoning pa!

fried egg, sisig, longganisa with Filipino condiments to go with it

I rocked breakfast this morning. On the menu are: Garden salad made of baby lettuce leaves, spinach, feta cheese, fish nuggets, cherry tomatoes, white onions and cashew nuts with Italian dressing. There's also pumpkin soup, creamed mushrooms, muffin, champagne ham and fried egg. Oh my, we were stuffed! That's how you start a day. :)

The very enticing breakfast we had this morning plus a cup of hot water waiting for a teaspoon of coffee, sugar and milk.

My typical Friday night early dinner. As I am mostly alone on a Friday, this is what my dining table looks like. Bread, water, a bit of salad and some cold cuts. That's it. No time consuming cooking required. Quick and easy. But sometimes, it's still nice to eat with somebody.

Snack? Dinner? Merienda? Who knows? That's a Friday meal when you're alone.

Baking Debut

It's a productive Friday today for me.

I came home from a night shift at 7 this morning. I felt so good taking the lifts down, walking out of the door and seeing all the people just about to begin their day when I just finished mine. It was still dark when I left the hospital and it was really chilly. So, clad in my black puffer jacket, I took the 3-minute walk I usually take to the parking lot and off I drove in the dark night sky, looking forward to reaching home and lying on my bed.

I was up at half past one and my head was turning for a while. Gelo and I had lunch of okra, spanish sardines and instant soup with egg (it's Friday, afterall! All the grocery's gone for the week). I drove him off to work after then went home and started on the one thing I've been looking forward to, the whole week: my baking debut!

my new toys waiting to be played :)

whole wheat strawberry yoghurt muffin in pieces

...going into the oven

And hello to these beautiful babies! :)

This winter season is killing me. That is but not limited to the cold cold weather, the constant raining and the shorter days. It is now 5:10 pm and the clouds are starting to turn gray and hazy. I did cook our lunch today and opted to have something fresh rather than the longganisa I ordered from the filipina at work. So yes, it's called Parmesan fish and boy, it is good! :) I dropped Gelo off to work at 2 pm today. i felt like a mom dropping one of my kids off to school and yelling behind them "Have a good day (at work)!" and he replies with a wave of the hand and a nod. So I drove back home and did the laundry. So now, with cold feet and numb hands, I am home alone waiting for 11:00pm to come so I can go pick him up from work and spend our night chatting away.

all the mess of cooking

look at those beautiful things!

and the fresh and healthier alternative to frozen fish nuggets

Wednesday Night

I don't know if I am aging too quickly. My life here (in New Zealand and with Gelo) is probably making me more mature.

He was asked to report to work at 8pm today and I'm going to pick him up by 11. So while waiting for pick-up time which is 1 1/2 hours from now, I am chatting with a good friend and trying to keep myself warm. When he gets home later, we will exchange stories of how his day went at work and what I did at home while waiting for him. We will subconsciously but quite securely sink into our routine of story-telling and sharing until one of us decides, to put the lights off.

Our Sanctuary

Oh my god March is ending!

This whole month has been so busy that the days just flew by. It has been a roller coaster ride with all the loops, steepness and sudden turns.

We have moved to a new place and it has been both exhausting and exciting. I really enjoyed the part wherein we were choosing what furniture to get and what color, shade and fabric to use as we mentally picture the interior of our new apartment. It feels so good to come home to a place and see everything around you is something you worked hard for. On the other hand, packing all our things, lifting boxes and shifting heaps of boxes to the new place was very, very draining. Nonetheless, arranging and re-arranging things in our new place made every single thing worthwhile.

I will post photos soon. :)

I can't wait to go home everyday.

Doing February in such a rush

I realized I don't have a decent entry this month because I hardly found time to sit down and blog after all the stress (both positive and negative) that's been going on around me. So here's my February in a whim.

My heart's day was full of reds and sweets just like how it should be. 6 Valentine's days ago, we broke up. Yes, on that day when you're supposed to celebrate the gift of love, we decided to end it. So February 14 will always be that day when I suddenly became aware that "Love" really needs to be celebrated. So even during those Valentine's days when I didn't have a special someone to celebrate it with, my family would go out to dinner and be each others' dates. :) For the last 4 Valentine's days, however, he has been trying to undo the ugly memory of that 2nd Valentine's day we spent together (or apart?). But with red roses and white tulips, chocolates, a card and a cake, Valentine's on February 2004 is a faint memory now. After all, love is found in one of the hardest things to do: forgiving someone.

that greeted me when i entered our flat

On our 90th month (yes, we are that long together!), we went to TopGear Live show and had some serious thought about getting a European car in the next 5 years or so.hehehe The parade of high-end vehicles and luxury cars made both of us (including me who is not really a car aficionado) drool and wish we had like $100,000 or more in our bank accounts and go home with a new M3. It was a fun experience being a part of the whole event seeing sportscars everywhere as if its the only vehicle there is on earth. :)


I finalized my plans for this April. I am going home. :) And I can't wait! I purchased my ticket and secured my A/L dates so I am all set to go. Only, there are huge events to take place when I get home that needs lots of planning, coordinating and yes, spending...That last bit, I can't run away from. hehehe Going back, there's my Ate's wedding. She will tie the knot with her boyfriend of 10 years, I think. Good for them! And since hers is the 1st wedding in the family amongst cousins, everybody from overseas will come home to attend. (I am still pondering and slightly regretting that I am going to this wedding instead of coming home next week, just in time for my cousins' (from my father's side, who I haven't seen in 13 years) balikbayan vacation. What a shame!)
There's also the service for my Uncle who succumbed to Brain Ca last September. Since the whole family is around on April, my Ninang decided to do the service over there as for apparent reasons, not everyone can go to North Carolina on September for the babang-luksa. And lastly, there's my mom's advance 50th birthday celebration, which I think will be bigger than the wedding in the end. *naughty grin* I just said that because there's more preparations going on for the 50th birthday than for the wedding. *another naught grin* So, I am really looking forward to this trip. And as I mentioned in a previous entry, this entry means a lot to me in terms of soul-searching (My 2009 was a bit intense and draining boyfriend's-family-wise).

There's also the house-hunting which is currently ongoing. We went to view a unit yesterday which was so cosy, it's actually small. The couple who was renting it out seems fine and there's this feeling that they are genuinely good people. But we said we'd let them know at the end of the week. We are viewing 2 more units tomorrow and I found a couple more new listings online so that will probably be in for next week. It is just a bit of a challenge to find the right place for us, within our budget and the one that accommodates all our needs. Sigh. The anticipation and (good) stress of moving houses. :) Plus, a couple of weeks back, we went window shopping for couches, lounges, beds and dining sets. It was so exciting!!! We were browsing the display rooms and choosing which lounge set we want using this colour with that material. I felt like a housewife. :) hahaha It was actually a good feeling. Honestly. :)

This last week has been particularly stressful for me because I was dealing with mending friendships and letting go of really damaged ones. And yesterday, I found out I was blocked off. Reading "It doesn't look like you have been invited to read this blog."
It hurt because it was an obvious slap on my face that I was rejected. I considered it as another baggage but instead of dragging myself down, I opted to just move along pulling it right behind me. Things indeed happen for a reason. And because Kuya Jess just loves me, He gave another reason to be stronger. Tanggap lang ng tanggap. That's my mantra.

Past the hugs, kisses, love letters (we still do this but not as often anymore) and all the goody-goody, ultra positive side of love, February gave me a whole new perspective about all the other aspects of love that I often overlook: learning, accepting, giving, receiving, letting go, sharing and yes, FORGIVING. It is never, ever easy to love. Sharing what was instilled in me during my DWTL days: Love and love until it hurts. Love until it hurts no more.

How Tangled Last Week's Timetable Was

Finally, January 14 came. It's one of the most special days for us because it is his birthday. He caught me waking up early to set up birthday trimmings, a bouquet of balloons I got the night before (which I hid under the couch) and my gift to him. But it didn't matter because he was just so euphoric that he didn't mind knowing beforehand.

failed surprise attempt

And that day, we had so many things on our to-do list some of which are as follows:
1. Go to market and grocery to do shopping - check
2. Hear Mass - check (and had Fr. Gilbert bless him after the Mass)
3. Lunch Out - Pasta & pizza at La Porchetta
4. Go to Albany to buy moisturizer - no more time. next week nalang.
5. Cook Spaghetti pinoy style @ home - Sarrrraaaaapppppp! This is the 1st time I cooked a sweet style spaghetti using spaghetti sauce, banana ketchup and 1/4 cup sugar. Of course, hotdogs and mince beef are always on the list. So yeah, it reminded me of Jollibee. :)

my sweet style spaghetti that sold like pancakes

6. Get DSLR from Andrea - Angel sent a DSLR for Gelo as a birthday present. And Andrea, their cousin who just came from a flight from Dubai carried the DSLR for him.
Additional: Had Movenpick after dinner for some ice cream. :)

Fast forward to 2 days back. I stayed home and spent the whole day chopping and preparing ingredients so that I won't have to do any cutting on the day of his party.

the making of lumpiang shanghai

From 5 pm until 11 pm, I was sitting on a chair with a chopping board in front of me and with very heavy arms and a sore back, trying to finish off everything that needs to be done. And yes, I did! After that, I suddenly felt like my mom who cooked everything for us for every birthday and Christmas that passed without anyone really helping her. And tiring as it was, there's a feeling of fulfillment when you see his face smiling at you with grateful eyes. :)

Yesterday morning, I got up relatively early and started my only task of cooking all the meals to be served that afternoon. Yes, sense the sarcasm there. But seriously, I didn't really mind to do all the cooking as 1st of all, it is for him. Second of all, I love cooking! And third of all, ow never mind! Don't wanna be cheeky and spoil this entry.

On my menu are:
1. Carbonara
2. Seafood Curry
3. Adobong Batangas
4. Lumpiang Shanghai

happily doing all the cooking

His mom added some roast chicken which gives us one more additional dish. And we had White Mudcake for dessert. And lots of sparklings for drinks. :) After the long afternoon of jokes, games and gossips (wink wink), we headed to AMF for some bowling action and we had fun, indeed. Our team won which is good considering we haven't played bowling for a couple of years now. So we had some good laughs.

The point of the whole day was to make him happy. I knew he was. In fact more than anything, he felt blessed to have wonderful friends who never failed to remember him, a generally supportive family and a partner who is both a companion and a friend.

To Gelo: wishing you wealth, health, happiness and success! All my love, to the only fish in my sea. :)

Sunday Slowdown

I do morning shifts every Sunday which feels like one day less from my workweek (because Sunday's not really busy plus there are no bosses around). And every Sunday, I whine about how i didn't sleep enough and that I am so tired considering I just got back from my days off. But today, I had someone else to whine with because I was working with Carrie and it made me feel normal, and really better. :)

***

Coming home from work, I played Naruto with him and after some theoretical tutorial, I actually won! Wohoo! That was exhilirating and when played occassionally, can do wonders to your self-esteem.

***
I saw newly uploaded photos of some people in Boracay and somehow, I felt betrayed. Not because I am not with them in the photo but because I suddenly felt loyalty to one of my friends was questionable. And I know that questioning loyalty is not a good thing. But I also know that when something's bothering you, something's not right. Hence, the feeling.

***

Putting up Christmas trinkets have been a ritual of sorts for our family, which I happily adapted when I came over here. After All Saint's and All Soul's Day on November, we would start putting up all things elated to Christmas. Last Friday, I took down my Christmas decorations and my apartment is now back to its normal state.


These Christmas decorations conveyed a lot of merriment during the holidays that it actually made me excited to wake up in the morning to see giant red stockings staring down on me. It made my day brighter and somehow told me that no matter how ugly the day turns out to be, Ill be coming home to a place where a star is shining on top of a tree. :) And that alone made all the difference.

Everything About Today

There is an exhilarating feeling about walking out of the hospital doors after graveyard shift with the cool breeze greeting you and the sunshine peeking through the clouds. I feel a sense of relief that the day and my week is finally over. There is a feeling of excitement as I look forward to the weekend and suddenly, I don't feel sleepy anymore.

6 hours later, here I am, awake and with a throbbing headache. I have laundry in the washing machine while I am blogging and at another tab watching wedding videos. I am half asleep and half sick after having lunch, which I made and put too much tuna in. Eeewww.

It has been a crazy week with all the hoola-baloos of his mom's birthday and whatnot. I'd rather skip this part and not dwell on the pessimism that is trying to escape from inside of me.

I made the collage of photos for this blog yesterday before coming to work and it exudes a very positive vibe. Those photos are dated from way back 2005-ish. So it really brings back lots of memories. One way to negate all thoughts awful and silly and all things burdensome. I actually found my Literature teacher's blog and I am just so fascinated about how she writes, mixing the simplicity of her everyday life with the creativity of her ideas and how she juggles those words. Ah, simply amazing. And so, I vowed to make this blog rock by writing a often as I can and by coming up with new ideas. That reminds me, I haven't done my resolution list for this year.

The washing machine has beeped, calling me to hang the clothes outside while there's still some sun. Yes, my drier broke down a week ago which, makes doing laundry a lot less easy. So, I have to finish up and attend to the house chores before I ran out of time or fall asleep.