My Favourites (delayed birthday entry)

salt and pepper squid

roast pork with crsipy balat

wicked wings

crispy noodles for long life

tofu spring roll, chicken feet, prawn toast, congee, taro puff, prawn dumpling

watermelon milk tea, honey lemon tea and pulutan sunstitutes

banoffee pie, new york cheesecake, carrot cake, waffle and cups of coffee

pepperoni and sausage pizza

Because my family is physically absent to celebrate my 25th birthday with me, I thought of going low key with the celebration. And because it is a celebration of me (and only me!), I said I'd go with my favourites and wish they're here to dine, feast and celebrate this milestone with me.

Erik Erikson said

Browsing through the net, I came across one of my favourite topics to read, which is Erikson's Psychosocial Development and then it got me to thinking.

Looking at my intimate relationships right now, would I be on the "intimacy" or "isolation" part of his Psychosocial crisis? I have some wounded, if not broken friendships recently (meaning the last couple of years) and that definitely doesn't fall under healthy intimacy levels. During Fridays when I am all alone for most part of the day, I'd either walk alone strolling by the shops in the city or at home baking some goodies with a DVD popped in the player and I absolutely enjoy it.Or perhaps, I've gotten used to it. I read in a magazine article that it only takes 3 weeks (of consistent doing or not doing) for someone to form a habit. I have been staying home with DVDs as company for the past 3 years hence, the preference to be by myself. I sometimes find it such an effort to sit with someone and try to figure out what I'm gonna say and try to draw the line to where the sharing ends so I'd rather be by myself. Is it that I am pushing people away? Or do I really just love quiet time?

One more thought: now I understand why couples at this stage break up because "we like different things". By saying that I think it means someone is ready to settle down (intimacy) and the other is holding back commitment (isolation). Wow, what a powerful theory this is!

The virtue of the crisis intimacy vs isolation is LOVE and the modality is to be able to find oneself in others. I am not quite sure where I stand but I guess resolving conflicts to form relationships does take both sides for it to work. And though I know how to do it, I dunno where to start because frankly speaking, there is so much solace in being alone and I am really loving it.

Love in the eyes of Dementia

Talking to a severely demented 80-something lady.

Me: So, are you married?
Lady: No. The boy I love died in the war. So I said, the hell with them! I'm not gonna marry someone else.
Me: Why not?
Lady: Because I'd feel guilty for being with someone else.


* Dementia - a degenerative decline in memory and cognitive function, which has various causes. *

Looking at this blog, which hasn't been updated for the past couple of weeks, I feel as though I have a writer's block. When I am somewhere quiet, along with my thoughts, I have a million things that come up in my mind. But the moment I log in to my account, everything vanishes and I suddenly don't know where to start.

Maybe because there's some negativity in me recently that I'd rather not blog about as it will just drag me down.

Anyway, I'd like to think I'm trying to get back on my feet. I am really looking forward that Spring's almost here! So, goodbye to winter flu and coats and boots.

Spring is my favorite season of the year simply because it seems to be bringing new hope, new beginnings. The days are longer, the wind is still cool but the sun is out more often. Not to mention all the flowers that are in bloom and the greens that are greener than ever. :) I've crossed out 1st weekend of September for spring cleaning. It has been sort of a tradition and sort of a ritual like saying buh-bye to a year of broken friendships, dragging pessimism and drawing some lines. And after clearing out my closet of the things that I do not need anymore, things for giving away and some things for keeping, I feel uplifted at the thought that there's another year ahead of me. Another summer at the beaches, another year of hardwork, another autumn and another cold winter. It's a cycle, anyway. But as people say, the night is darker before the break of dawn. So yes, goodbye for now to the long nights of winter and hello to my beginning. :)

25 years ago

Back up

Yes, I'm back up on my feet! And I am baking again. This time it's chewy chocolate thins and I really hope it comes out chewy not like the slice i made last week which was as hard as a board! It's a pretty simple recipe which calls for a lot of mixing which made my arms really sore. hehehe I made some tweaks from the recipe and added dark chocolate chips. :) So when Gelo comes home later, he can snack on some cookies. Yay!

***

I am planning something for my birthday that needed some of my childhood photos. Last night I got my memorabilia box in a serious hope of finding something that can help me with my *birthday special. But to my dismay, I only found a handful of photos which will not suffice. So this afternoon after driving Gelo to work and before doing my chewy cookie attempt, I ransacked my drawers and I found a scrapbook of sort, which apparently was a project when I was in college. Theology, perhaps. And like opening a baul of treasures, there, I found all the photos I was eye-ing to include in my project. Oh what a wonderful feeling! :) It's a similar feeling to waking up early, getting ready to go to school only to find out that classes are suspended. Sheer heaven! :) Oh, I am definitely back on my lakwatsera feet! :)

I should really abandon the pessimism accompanying my fear to turn 25. That's not healthy. I should really welcome my 25th year with a heart full of thanks. :)

Ending the week on this note

I just had a quarter pounder burger, half of a McChicken burger, part of a large fries, 3 pcs chicken nuggets and half of a chocolate sundae. Man, I am THAT tired! I was starving too so I didn't say no to Mcdonald's! hahaha

***

For some reason, I am not looking forward to celebrate my birthday. There. I said it. I don't really know why. But there's this feeling of not anticipating and not wanting to do anything. Walang gana. I am a quarter of a century soon. And I know that it is sort of a milestone and a part of me actually wants to go out and celebrate and mark the year I cross over going to my mid-twenties. (yikes!) But maybe, a part of me is scared. there's the fear to cross that line that says I am paving my way to the thirties and I haven't even saved enough or traveled or accomplished something significant. I don't even have my Master's yet (or any post-grad papers)! So there's the "freaking out feeling" inside me. I am also somehow overwhelmed because of the numerous plans I have in mind that's waiting to happen but I don't know which one to prioritize. I don't know what to do. I am so lost and I don't even have my mom beside me to coach me, to tell me off or to direct me so that I know which way to take.
Why is turning 25 suddenly full of fears? It is suddenly scary to reach this age. Why?

I want to regress and go back to the stage of being asked to do chores and receiving allowance and telling secrets to my mom. Can I come home again?

***